Parenting is hard, and no amount of books, blogs, and experience can reduce the effort it demands. And when it comes to raising a neurodivergent child, the challenge becomes manifold.
If you have noticed the sign and conducted a diagnosis to identify your child’s neurodivergence, you are already a step ahead.
Now, the question stands: how to parent neurodivergent kids?
In this comprehensive read, let’s focus on gentle parenting for neurodivergent children and on how to support them effectively without losing patience.
Since neurodivergent children struggle the most with emotions, the aggressive tone and a little scolding would not help. It is about building a positive environment and helping people thrive in a calm and independent space.
Let’s begin.
How Neurodivergence Appears in Children?
Before you learn the signs and symptoms of a neurodivergent brain, remember: you cannot simply read about symptoms and assume your child has them.
It is vital to connect with a professional and get your kid diagnosed. Furthermore, neurodivergence is an umbrella for multiple conditions. It entails ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, PDA, behavioral issues, and much more. Your child could have any of these and must be raised accordingly.
However, there are some signs you must look out for –
- Your child’s interactive levels are different from those of other children in the same game. They are mostly quiet, not very good at social cues, and struggle with communication.
- Potty training, sleep routine, and eating habits are a few things children are thoroughly taught. Neurodivergent children struggle with these simple activities.
- They are sensitive to light, sound, textures, and similar stimuli. They do not appreciate loud noise, too many people, public settings, strong smells, heavy clothing, and so on.
- It is difficult for them to concentrate when performing a task and literally never sit in one place. School seems dreadful, and so does study.
- Your child does not do well when there’s a change of routine – they typically get overwhelmed.
These are subtle, early, and telltale signs of a neurodivergent brain. Therefore, diagnosis is vital, and neurodivergent child behavior management must be the priority.
How to Help a Neurodivergent Child Thrive? – 15 Tips on Neurodivergent Parenting
Once a proper diagnosis is complete, you will know that your child needs adequate attention and neurodiverse care.
So, here are 15 authoritative tips on gentle parenting for a neurodivergent child –
1. Give Them Praise
Nothing works as great as praise, especially when building trust with a neurodivergent child. When training your child for good behaviour, praise enhances a sense of goodness and the zeal to do better.
- Praise when a task is completed – “You did a great job.”
- Praise, even when they fail – “It’s okay, you did well; we will try again tomorrow’
- Praise when they are genuinely trying.
- Praise for their small acts of goodness.
It is not just about praising – it is about being sincere with them and avoiding negative comments. Remember, neurodiverse children struggle the most with emotions. Therefore, negative comment clings longer.
2. Ignore the Minor Behavioral Issues
Every behavioral problem doesn’t need to be resolved. When it comes to parenting neurodivergent children, ignoring the minor acts is a sound option.
Most neurodivergent children tend to throw tantrums over minor things. Either they are struggling with their boredom or looking forward to seeking your attention.
A better parenting approach is to ignore these minor tantrums and wait for their goodness to show up. This way, you end up not encouraging bad behavior and making efforts to create good behavior points.
3. Validate their Emotions
Emotional regulation for neurodivergent kids is a significant dynamic – they tend to struggle a lot with bigger feelings.
Validation gives them a signal that they are understood, that their feelings are valued, and that their reactions are justified. However, by reactions, we do not mean bad behavior.
Actively listen to what they share and become a part of their journey. Encourage positive feelings by saying, “I understand that you are upset. I know it feels unfair. I am listening, and there for you.”
4. Understand their Strengths and Weaknesses
Neurodivergent children process everything differently – they perceive every emotion differently. And when it comes to peers, they feel more challenged, misunderstood, and lack the necessary social judgment. So, socializing and communicating are not their strong suit.
However, neurodivergence allows them the benefit of creative capabilities, and they may even excel in problem-solving and memorization.
Take ample time to understand your child’s strengths and weaknesses, celebrate their abilities appropriately, and create the right avenue for them to truly nurture their skills.
5. Focus on Early Support
The earlier you find out, the faster the intervention can be. Since neurodivergent children struggle with skill-building, early intervention and diagnosis help create the perfect atmosphere to teach critical thinking skills and enable emotional control.
You can incorporate skill-building games, meditation-based activities, and daily habit-building routines for better development.
6. Have One-On-One Time with your Child
A positive relationship with your neurodivergent child begins with laying a foundation of trust and understanding. And this starts with a one-on-one time.
There is no specific limit – it can be 5 minutes or 30, and it can be any activity. Both of you can talk about your day, what you learnt, whether you met anyone, and whether there was something good that happened to any of you.
This we call a ‘comforting space’, and it is highly essential to create one that encourages trust and better behavior.
7. Emotional Vocabulary
It is vital to teach your child about the various kinds of emotions – happiness, joy, sadness, grief, and melancholy. These words are tough, at least, for a 4-year-old or even a 5.
Create a social and emotional awareness – help them accurately label their day-to-day emotions. You can also incorporate a mood-tracking app so they can digitally note how they feel each day.
For a neurodivergent child, managing multiple emotions can be challenging. However, dealing with one emotion each day is a good start.
8. Reward For Good Behavior
Praise is good; rewarding is always great. It is a powerful incentive and makes room for more good deeds.
Ensure the rewards mean something to them – and are nothing unhealthy that might disrupt the development journey. Furthermore, ensure the reward is given instantly, helping them remember the moment and encouraging the behavior.
Always focus on not turning rewards into a bad habit, and the good behavior is complete before they receive it.
9. Create a Supportive Environment
Neurodivergent children thrive brilliantly where there is structure and predictability. They do not do well without a proper routine, so learn to make it easier for them.
Create daily routines, visual charts, and colorful infographics that help them establish consistency. Timers can also be beneficial.
Without a proper chart or routine, neurodivergent children become overwhelmed. Therefore, a sensory setup that helps them stay aligned with their daily routine is lucrative.
Furthermore, you can add soft lighting and other calming elements, such as a blanket, soothing toys, and mood music.
10. Story Building
Stories are an incredible way to express emotional ideas to neurodivergent children and create a perfect setup that allows them to relate to various aspects.
Since their attention spans are shorter than those of the general population, start with short stories. You can also incorporate meditation activities with these stories, helping them navigate their feeling better.
Through story building, they can also work on their social and imaginative skills to better understand other people’s interactions.
11. Teach Adaptive Coping Skills
While teaching your child the minor aspects of life may seem overwhelming, imagine how they might be feeling, right?
They are feeling triggered, are continuously under stress, and might be a lot more stressed than anyone else.
So, here’s how you can help them with the right coping skills –
- Teach them the deep breathing technique – their nervous system needs to calm down.
- Tensing and relaxing various muscle groups at a time adds to the calming effect.
- Verbally guide them to step away from what’s stressing them.
- Teach them positive affirmations to avoid negative thoughts.
- Help them engage their senses – eyes, smell, touch, and more – to calm their minds.
12. Teach Problem-Solving Skills
Like every other human, neurodivergent children will always feel the conflict of various matters. However, they cannot resolve things as easily as their peers.
Help them understand conflict resolution and teach them not to see themselves as a problem. The goal is to help them understand that every problem has a solution, and it can be discussed.
Also, wait for your child to calm down before discussing intense topics.
13. Teach them Self-Care
Emotional regulation skills come from a well-organized emotional system. You can begin building skills if the foundation is weak. Here’s where well-being and self-care come into play.
Teach your child that it is sometimes alright to walk away from habit and routine, and indulge in a few minutes of a break. It can be multiple things –
- Turning away from study and spending time with a hobby.
- Going out to play, meeting a friend of a loved one.
- Spending time with a pet, if there is one.
- Getting rest.
While it is challenging to teach a 4- or 6-year-old neurodivergent the importance of self-care, as a parent, you can always guide them calmly and composedly.
14. Incorporate Motivation
Unlike ordinary children, you cannot offer a sudden task and expect your neurodivergent child to perform it instantaneously. However, you can practice the ‘when-then’ strategy.
- When you are done with your homework, we will paint together.
- When we are done with dinner, we will play a video game.
- When you clean up your toys, we will go to the park.
This method creates discipline, ensures authority, and helps maintain consistency in the right way. It also keeps the much-needed calm.
15. Be Patient and Never Compare
Yes, there are other children. Maybe they are doing things faster, learning better, and not struggling with emotions.
Be calm and patient with your child, and be consistent with the habits. When you feel frustrated, it shows on your face, and neurodivergent children pick up emotions faster than you think.
Never compare them to other children, and help them learn at their own pace, with confidence and emotional security.
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Neurodivergent Kids with ChomChom
The internet is filled with positive discipline strategies for neurodivergent children and for creating the perfect routine. However, no two children are the same, especially when they are neurodivergent.
Whether building self-esteem or looking for calm-down strategies, the idea is to focus on personalized guidance that truly helps children.
ChomChomTech is a unique way of teaching independence to neurodivergent kids. It is a high-functionality skill building app with bite-sized games for positive screen time. The games and activities are therapist-designed and especially crafted for neurodivergent children.
It helps you track your kids’ daily emotions, activities, healthy habits, and more. It also helps them master emotional and critical thinking skills.
Healthy neurodivergent parenting is an app away!
